I am standing with Ellen P just inside the back door of a rather modern house finished with dark wood and lots of glass but not much furniture. We are talking and I am wondering if I could ask her to have sex with me when I see a man enter the house through the front doors, a pair of French doors which are mostly glass with mullions of dark wood. Suddenly angry at the intruder, I run around through the kitchen and dining room to find a small crowd of men standing in the entryway. When I yell at them to get out they ignore me and instead one of them, shorter but heavier than I am and wearing a light blue shirt and pants, comes striding out towards me. Intimidated, I turn and walk quickly ahead of him back to the kitchen.
Because of my ALS I would not be able to overpower him so instead I take control of the dream, place the man against the wall with his back to me and pierce him several times in the lower back with the sharp point of a pair of sheep shearing clippers. Though I did not stab him deeply, he is dead so I continue into the next room, a bedroom with no furniture other than a mattress on the floor in the corner. Another man, taller and thinner than the first man but also dressed in blue, confronts me. Very angry now, I stab him in the belly with my shears then thrust upward, forcing his slimy bluish guts to erupt out of his chest while Ellen cowers under a blanket in a corner.

I awoke from this dream gasping as if I had been holding my breath for a long time but I wondered if my breathlessness was just from the intensity of my anger. I had been down all day, unclear about the exact reason for my depression but suspecting that it might be associated with feeling that I was becoming a burden to Darchelle. Anger at her, redirected at myself, could have triggered the depression and inspired the dream.
A year later I had another dream which gave me insight into this one, which appears to be about my rejection of Christianity, and of the self-condemnation which I incorporated into my faith right from the start. This interpretation is supported by a dream ten years ago in which a man in light blue killed me. That dream depicted my adoption of Christianity as an act of self-destruction. This dream depicts my rejection of Christianity as an act of self-defense.
In this dream I am considering asking Ellen to have sex with me when the man in light blue shows up. I think of Ellen as a Christian in belief and practice; asking her for sex represents returning to the beliefs and lifestyle I adopted when I became a Seventh Day Adventist 40 years ago. The man in light blue, striding with authority into the heart of the house, represents a part of me that once believed Adventism to be the only true belief about God, and still suspects that might be the case. I find him threatening because if Adventism is true, I am condemned. I can only feel safe by suppressing that belief, so I kill him. The sheep shears refer to gardening; I maintained a large garden during the years when I was most active in the church and gardening for me was an activity which was free of any involvement with God, and therefore free from self-condemnation. Using shears to kill the men represents my choice to accept rather than condemn myself, thus making a return to my former beliefs unlikely, symbolized by Ellen hiding under a blanket.