Brian's Journal - A Dream Return

Killing intruders (11/29/2024)
The dream:
I am standing with Ellen P just inside the back door of a rather modern house finished with dark wood and lots of glass but not much furniture. We are talking and I am wondering if I could ask her to have sex with me when I see a man enter the house through the front doors, a pair of French doors which are mostly glass with mullions of dark wood. Suddenly angry at the intruder, I run around through the kitchen and dining room to find a small crowd of men standing in the entryway. When I yell at them to get out they ignore me and instead one of them, shorter but heavier than I am and wearing a light blue shirt and pants, comes striding out towards me. Intimidated, I turn and walk quickly ahead of him back to the kitchen.
Because of my ALS I would not be able to overpower him so instead I take control of the dream, place the man against the wall with his back to me and pierce him several times in the lower back with the sharp point of a pair of sheep shearing clippers. Though I did not stab him deeply, he is dead so I continue into the next room, a bedroom with no furniture other than a mattress on the floor in the corner. Another man, taller and thinner than the first man but also dressed in blue, confronts me. Very angry now, I stab him in the belly with my shears then thrust upward, forcing his slimy bluish guts to erupt out of his chest while Ellen cowers under a blanket in a corner.
My interpretation:
I awoke from this dream gasping as if I had been holding my breath for a long time but I wondered if my breathlessness was just from the intensity of my anger. I had been down all day, unclear about the exact reason for my depression but suspecting that it might be associated with feeling that I was becoming a burden to Darchelle. Anger at her, redirected at myself, could have triggered the depression and inspired the dream.