I am at a table in a restaurant with family, including John and others, when I see Ali sitting alone at a table in a corner near the buffet table. When I go over to her I see that the buffet is nearly empty; only one burger in a bun is left, sitting in a round tray. I have an empty burger bun in my hand so I peel off the seasoned outer crust to put it in my burger bun, feeling bad that I am taking the best part of the only remaining burger. I assume that Ali, who has no food on the table in front of her, does not want the burger because it is from a fast food place but when I look at it I see that it is not beef but something white like chicken with pieces of green pepper embedded in it, and I wonder why Ali turned that down.
Returning to the family table I find it empty and realize that John has left when everyone else and I I have missed my ride back home to Jackson. I also realize that he or they packed my knapsack before they left and I feel bad that they had to do that for me. My knapsack is white with orange straps so is easy to distinguish from the many other dark green knapsacks piled up by the door. I grab it on my way out and run down several flights of stairs to the ground floor parking garage. The white automatic door to the garage is closing and I have to duck under it to get out. At that moment a small white sedan pulls up. As the automatic door rises to allow the car to leave, I am able to walk out at the same time without even having to bend over.
It is dark outside. I run down the sidewalk hoping I might be able to catch up to John but even as I do so I know that they are gone. I determine to walk the 10 miles or so home to Jackson even though I might be able to get a ride from someone. As I am crossing a plaza to get to the main road, Jeff Zimmerman runs up to me and asks me for a ride. I explain that the car is full but that we might be able to squeeze in one more person, then I realize but not only Jeff, but also his son Graham, needs a ride. I tell Jeff but I have missed my ride as well, because John and the others left without me. Jeff replies that John has not left, because he just saw him sitting in a café just up the street. I go over there and see John sitting by himself at a table in the café, which is old and dingy, painted green inside I think, with bleak florescent lighting. I do not go into him but I assume that he is waiting for the rest of the family to join him.

When I woke up from this dream I determined to remember it because it combines several familiar symbols, including John, Ali and Jackson, and the action, dialogue and feelings were clear. Unfortunately I was not able to write it down right away so I lost or distorted some of the details in the course of rehearsing it in memory. While the dream was clear the meaning was not, at least not until I wrote it down. It is at least partly about death and preparing for my own death, but it shares in common with several other recent dreams (none of them remembered well enough to write down) a theme of trying to do something but failing to accomplish it.
John, who died 17 months ago, had lived with Mom in Jackson for the previous 50 years and as patriarch of the extended family, had been a key component of my experience of home in Jackson since I was in high school. His driving us to a restaurant and hosting us for dinner, as he does in this dream, was typical although in the dream I apparently get nothing to eat at his table. That may be a reference to his being gone. A more obvious reference to his death is his appearance in the closing scene of this dream in which he sits silent and alone in a bleak and empty restaurant, suggesting a perspective of what happens after death which differs dramatically from that of earlier dreams, in which life and relationships continue. This dream would suggest that as my own death approaches, I am becoming more pessimistic about the prospect.
While John in this dream represents what happens after death, Ali I believe has something to do with the experience of dying, based on a conversation we had a few years ago in which she described friends gathering around a woman and keeping her company as she died. It sounded to me like an ideal situation, and in prior dreams, Ali has represented an ideal of a rational approach to life. Although I may not have accurately remembered my interaction with her in this dream, her isolation and apparent refusal to eat suggests that dying is done alone even in the presence of friends, and that when reality intrudes, ideals fall short. The white pack with orange straps I associate with either Daniel or David, and packing it I associate with preparing for my death. That someone else does that for me in the dream, and that I feel bad about that, both suggest that neither I nor they are doing all that we could to get ready for that event.
My reluctance to ask for help after missing my ride home contrasts with Jeff's willingness to seek help, both for himself and his son. I wonder if the dream is suggesting that I do likewise. That feels difficult, and those other recent dreams suggest it may not happen. In one I keep attempting to register for classes at college but either find myself in the wrong place or without the correct paperwork. In another I am getting ready to climb a snowy mountain but do not have any gaitors and am wearing my old hiking boots which do not fit me very well. At the end of the dream I have not succeeded in solving either problem.