I am in a public building, perhaps a church, and I either need to, or am being urged to, enter a low passageway on my left. It is so low and narrow that I will need to stoop down and crawl to get through it. I decide not to do that, but when another similar passageway opens up again on my left, I go ahead and enter it.

Emerging from the other end I find myself in a very small room, maybe 4' x 6', with pink wool carpet on the floor and storage boxes piled up leaving barely enough room to turn around. While standing in the room I am being observed, and the person observing me, perhaps a woman, believes me to be a talented and skilled teacher. She praises my abilities and watches me to learn from me. I however need to pee. The need is urgent so even though peeing in that room is inappropriate, I go ahead and urinate. Despite my efforts to contain it, the volume of yellow urine is too great and it spreads over all of the carpet exposed between the boxes.

I am headed out of the building, walking with a friend, while a woman tries to persuade me to become a Christian. I respond courteously, not arguing with her but also not accepting what she is offering. As we leave the building I suggest to my friend that perhaps I should have told the women that I have already been a Christian in the past so that she would not be too hopeful of converting me.

This dream appears to be yet another review of my experience with Christianity. The first passageway which I declined to enter may represent my initial conversion during college while the second passage which I do enter may represent my embrace of Adventist Christianity a few years later. Becoming an Adventist required repudiating beliefs in geologic history and biological evolution which had long been an integral part of my worldview, a process symbolized by stooping to crawl through the cramped passageway. My experience of Christianity quickly became bound up with my marriage to Susan, symbolized by the pink wool carpet, which we had installed in our bedroom when we bought a house together. By some perspectives my life as a Christian is very successful. I am chosen first as treasurer and then as Elder and chair of the church board. I learn the Bible well and experience the close relationship with Jesus, even discerning him speaking to me when I pray.
Despite all that, I consider myself a failure as a Christian because in my view, I do not measure up to the standards required by God. Urinating on the carpet may represent an exercise of my agency in rejecting the demands and constraints imposed by God. It may also, or instead, represent rejecting the constraints I feel in Susan's professed love and admiration for me, her effort to define me in certain ways which do not fit my understanding of who I am. Distinguishing between the implied demands of me imposed by God and by Susan and perhaps most importantly, by myself, has never been fully clear because to a large extent, I projected my own negative attitudes about myself onto God, and I never fully accepted intimacy with Susan. Maybe the boxes in the room represent those various motivations which I have not disclosed even to myself.
In any case I have determined to abandon Christianity though I remain reluctant to offend anyone by that decision.