I have elder duty at church and someone expresses some concern because I am barefoot, then tells me it is okay because one of the other elders on duty, perhaps named John, is also barefoot. Going out into the foyer, I see that the congregation is already seated and I look for the elders, to join them, but I cannot find them. My fellow elder walks into the sanctuary but I do not.

Instead I look into an upstairs room where Susan is getting dressed. She gives me a look as if to say "Do you mind?" and I remember that we are no longer married and she does not want me to see her partly undressed. I turn around and walk into another room where another woman, quite tall and named Fran I think, is also getting dressed but she is facing away from me and does not appear to notice my presence.

Because I apparently will not be serving on the platform, I decide to change out of my collared shirt into a T-shirt. Looking through a stack of folded shirts in a box, I select one of my favorites, a well-worn brown T-shirt with a pale curlicue pattern, perhaps something about surfing, and put it on. I will be wearing it in church with my blazer but thinking that might not be formal enough, I also put on a red plaid bow tie. Unfortunately I am unable to tie it properly so it hangs down my front like a short four-in-hand.

Downstairs in the foyer again I decide to join my wife in the sanctuary so I look for Darchelle, whom I picture as my high school girlfriend Jeana. The service is apparently over because the sanctuary is almost empty. Someone who might be Darchelle/Jeana is sitting in one of the pews on the right side of the sanctuary but because I am not sure it is her, I do not go over to her. Instead I consider just leaving and going out for a walk. It is Sabbath so I would not look too out of place walking around town in a suitcoat but leaving would probably not be the right thing to do because it might mean that I was walking away from my problems instead of dealing with them.

In this dream I am never fully in touch with what is going on. I do not feel inadequate so much as just a little confused and perhaps a little out of place. I am barefoot, which is okay, but then I cannot find the elders to join them on the platform. Apparently looking upstairs for my wife Darchelle, I first walk in on Susan then on another woman whom I do not know. I put on a T-shirt to be more comfortable but feel the need to dress it up with a tie which I cannot tie. Downstairs again I am picturing my high school girlfriend Jeana instead of Darchelle but cannot in any case join her in church because the service is over.

A theme of not fitting in runs through the dream and appears to apply particularly, though in different ways, to my experiences of being married and being a Christian. Regarding marriage, I was married to Susan but not in love with her and I was in love with Jeana but not married to her. With Darchelle on the other hand, I am both in love and married but in the dream we are not able to be together which perhaps represents, along with the mis-tied bowtie, the limitations to our relationship imposed by my disability. The bowtie recalls both our wedding celebration in New Hampshire (where John tied my tie) and John himself who in turn is linked in my dreams with my friend and former pastor John McLarty. Both Johns have in past dreams symbolized aspects of my experience with God/Christianity. Here the bowtie, being barefoot, not entering the sanctuary, putting on the T-shirt and missing the service all suggest that for me, Christianity was not a good fit. For one reason or another I have not quite fit in during much of my life and even now, because of by disability, cannot fully fit in.
Thinking of Fran in the dream I feel a hint of sexual desire. The dress she was putting on was olive-green in color and accentuated her waist, at least from the back. The name Fran does not call to mind any particular association but the color of the dress suggests that she, like Jeana, may represent an ideal, desirable but unattainable.