I run up multiple flights of stairs in some kind of office building to do an errand (though I forget what it was). On the way back down to the parking garage my leather-soled shoes keep slipping on the black rubber stair treads, causing me to lose my balance; once I actually fall and another time I almost knock over a little boy. In the parking garage, I cannot find Susan's van so I ask the valet who tells me that the key is not hanging on the board where it should be. When I ask him what happened to the key he tells me that it must have been taken by someone, and that whoever took it probably stole the van.
Realizing that my red Subaru should also be in the garage, I look around for it and am relieved to spot it on the far side of the parking lot. It is currently blocked by a truck with a long low trailer but a couple of friends are retrieving the car for me and should be able to get it out soon.

This was one of two dreams which I remembered during the night, but by the time I went to write them down I could not recall the other one. In this dream, I have no sense of having driven either Susan's van or my Subaru into the garage, but I will be stranded in some way if neither vehicle is available to me. Friends are retrieving the Subaru, implying that I am unable to do so myself. I believe the two vehicles represent the two people in my life who could have taken care of me once I developed ALS - Susan and Darchelle. I am relieved that of the two, Darchelle is the one I am with, although my initial search for the van implies some kind of confusion about that.
Yesterday evening, grateful for the dinner Darchelle had fixed for me, I said to her "Thanks Susan for the nice supper", using my pet name for Susan instead of "D", my name for Darchelle. She immediately noticed of course and asked why the mistake. I could not answer at first but as I thought about it, I realized that both "Susan" and "D" have two primary levels of meaning for me.
At a conscious level they are clearly differentiated, representing my different experience in relationship with Susan versus Darchelle. "Susan" calls up a mix of emotions - frustration, guilt, responsibility and fear along with happier feelings of familiarity and companionship and in some sense love. I committed myself to loving her. "D" I associate with familiarity, safety and relief related to her role as my caregiver and with companionship, affection and love in her company as my lover and wife. That said, I also experience some anxiety about offending her and causing her emotional pain. I am committed to being present for her and with her; loving her does not arise out of commitment, but rather commitment out of love. As her lover though I am limited by my inability to express that love physically, a constraint which I think limits her ability to feel confident in my love. I could, and need to, do more to work around that limitation.
At a more reflexive level, "Susan" and "D" have both identified my intimate partner in life. As I settle in with Darchelle, I have been finding easier to accidentally use the wrong term of endearment, though fortunately I usually catch myself before actually speaking. To me it feels not unlike my tendency, when visiting in New Hampshire with John and Eric, Daniel and David, to have to run through several of their names before getting the right one. To Darchelle obviously, it does not feel as insignificant, and I believe my anxiety about slipping in that respect is illustrated in the dream.