Brian's Journal - A Dream Return

Hiking through obstacles (12/14/2020)
I am in the passenger seat in Susan's van and we are driving up a dirt road to a vague destination (which I will for convenience call a lodge) in the mountains. The landscape is arid - yellowish soil and rocks, sparse pine forest around us. A tractor-trailer truck is stopped in the road ahead of us and we cannot get around it. I know another road so we turn around but as we approach the turn-off I realize that my alternate route will be too rough to drive with the van.
We are hiking in the mountains above the lodge, paused at a spot where cars have parked at the upper end of a dirt track. A previous visitor left behind a large chunk of reddish-brown cheese unopened in its shrink-wrap on the ground. Someone tells me it is "Debony" cheese. Reasoning that whoever left it will not return for it, and that the cool temperature means that the cheese is still good, I pick it up and bring it with me.
As we follow the trail higher onto the mountain it leads us to a blocky metal and concrete building. Bringing up the rear of our small group (which includes my sister Sarah and perhaps Daniel and others), I scramble up an aluminum ladder and through the building via a narrow concrete passageway. My cheese is crumbled in a Ziploc bag now. I climb another ladder and gain the top of a narrow ridge. I am trying to carry a double handful of the crumbled cheese but it keeps slipping through my fingers like sand. We descend the back side of the ridge via tight switchbacks which are under construction. When a blue wheelbarrow blocks the way, we jump down several feet to the next switchback, landing in soft dirt.
Below the steep part of the descent now, I am under some kind of open wooden structure, an old mine headframe perhaps, when Sarah calls back to me "Take a picture of the baby Rosy-finches!" Then I notice them, little birds like baby quail running around on the ground right in front of me, and I also realize that I am carrying the camera. There are adult birds as well, which I identify as the Rosy-finches although in reality they look more like little quail. A Ptarmigan flies up, then I see several more and I try to get a photo of them but they all vanish. I climb a ladder made of yellowish wood, perhaps to look for the birds, but as I approach the top the ladder twists and I fall off, dropping 10 feet or more but landing unhurt on my back on soft yellowish-brown foam.
I follow the others down and across a gentle open slope to a doorway. A bird is sitting on the ground right in front of the doorway. I recognize it as one of the Rosy-finches and am about to photograph it when I realize it has blood on its feathers, so I don't take the photo.
Continuing through the doorway and down the alley I arrive at the garden of the lodge. Ben drives by on the tractor, straddling a grocery bag containing a green bush bean plant but the beans on it are overripe and moldy. Having failed to get any good photos of the Rosy-finches, I want to walk into the garden to find some birds to photograph but I am barefoot and the garden path is covered with spiny thistles all trampled down. The garden is full of thistles and stinging nettles, one of which stings me in the calf.
I made the effort to recall this dream because it exemplifies a recurring dream motif of a hike in the mountains with various obstacles. The activity of hiking implies progression through time, what I think of as a narrative dream, but I have not been able to fit this dream into a narrative. Instead it appears to present various images or perspectives of loss. In the opening scene it is the future visit to the lodge in the mountains which is lost when the way is blocked by the stalled semi. The good cheese crumbles and slips out of my hands uneaten. The bird photo opportunities are missed. On the ladder control is lost. The Rosy-finch in the doorway is injured and presumed to be losing its life. The green beans have gone bad. The once productive garden is now a wasteland of thistles and nettles in which I stand alone, unable to move. God, symbolized by Ben on the tractor, passes by indifferent or oblivious to all these losses.
In the opening scene the semi stopped in the road may represent my life stalled somewhere short of adulthood when Susan rescued me, represented by riding in her van (though in a dream Susan is not the driver). Even through her intervention though, I don't reach my original goal.
The barren mountains remind me of Pikes Peak in Colorado and the Trout River mountains in Newfoundland, ranges which intrigued me during college and childhood respectively. The yellowish brown color is characteristic of soil and rock derived from serpentine; serpentine soils are relatively inhospitable to vegetation. Ptarmigan and Rosy-finches breed in the high mountains where vegetation is low and sparse.
The blue wheelbarrow is a reference to construction projects I undertook over the years in our garden in Auburn.