We were in a waiting room somewhere, perhaps at a border crossing or terminal. Sarah and Eric were
there, Doug R perhaps, but not Susan and the boys, though
they were nearby. Subdued colors, pale grays and blues. Monte P,
a fellow Maniac with whom I run fairly often, walked through and I called out to him "Monte! I'll
see you in a half hour or so", referring to the marathon we were planning to run that day. He waved
but didn't stop, nor did I expect him to.
Then Dad walked in. He had gray hair but looked good, fit and trim, his face weathered and tanned
but not old or gaunt. He too couldn't stop for long but he came over to us and hugged Eric, Sarah
and Doug, each briefly. I felt a little shy knowing that my turn was coming. I was over near the
door where he was headed. He hugged me. As I put my arms around him I told him "I think of you
more often since, than I did before." I didn't mention his death but he knew that's what I was
referring to. He responded simply and honestly "I miss you Brian" and he held me for a long time.
He was different than in life, kind, gentle, emotionally honest, confident and happy.
Then I was with Susan and the boys outside the building at our rented minivan. They had packed up
my stuff that morning and come over to join me. I asked where my stuff was because I couldn't find
it and Susan pointed out my dark blue duffel bag under the front seat. We too were happy to be
together and to be on this trip. I was with them but separate from them as well since they weren't
running the marathon with me.
This was the first time I'd dreamt of Dad since he'd died back in August, the first time that I
recall anyhow. It felt very much like saying goodbye, and in fact I do not recall dreaming of him
ever again. What intrigues me is how I pictured him, healthy both emotionally and physically in a
way that I don't recall in life. As far as I am aware of, I do not believe in an afterlife at all,
let alone one in which, transformed into the best possible version of ourselves, we press on into a
unknown future. In the dream his greeting of us three children and Doug, who was in some ways also
like a son to him, emphasizes his relationship to me as my father. It could be that he symbolizes
my becoming a loving father to myself although that did not happen in real life until several years
after I had this dream. It is also interesting that my own role as father in my family is
deemphasized; I am focused on running, particularly running marathons, something I was doing a lot
at the time but which had little to do with my own family.